Halloween Dating

I love Halloween and look forward to it every year. An excuse to dress up and act silly, with a built-in reason to talk to strangers? (i.e. asking someone about their costume) In my mind, it doesn't get much more exciting than that.

Still, it can be a bit stressful to either come up with a unique and fun Halloween date idea or a costume that's appropriate for the two of you [See: Halloween Costume Ideas for Couples]. And what about those of us singles on the hunt for someone interesting? Attracting attention is the first step in the five phases of courtship.

So even though you've got just under two weeks to go, it's time to start thinking about what you'll be doing this Halloween either solo or with your sweetie. What's your plan?

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Is Dating an Admitted Alcoholic a Good Idea?

Lindsay asks: "I just met this guy who seems perfect on paper. Four dates into what seemed like a fairytale and he told me that he's a recovering alcoholic. He goes to AA meetings every week and says he hasn't had a drop to drink in three years. I don't want to throw something amazing away... he really does seem perfect. But I'm not sure I want to get involved with an alcoholic even if he's admitted it. Help?"

In a nutshell: I think it depends on your situation. Notice I say your situation and not the man you're dating. Why? Because the only person you can control or change is you. I don't know your history, nor am I aware if you or another family member has ever struggled with an addiction. But many, many folks who were raised in families where alcohol was a problem find that they are attracted to alcoholics in their romantic relationships. Or, they attract people where alcohol (or drugs, abuse, narcotics) are issues. Now this isn't always the case, and I'm also not saying that any of this is your fault. Its not. But it is something to be think about, be aware of, and act upon if its a theme in your life.

Dating someone with any sort of illness isn't easy, but the first step is the same: educate yourself. Learn everything you can, see how your date's alcoholism may affect you, and seek out preemptive support for when it does. Give it a few weeks or even months to make a decision to determine if dating an alcoholic is something you can do, or if its a deal breaker for you.

What say you, dear readers? Would you date an alcoholic? Have you? Are you an alcoholic? What factors should Lindsay take into account, and what do you recommend?

Related: Why Do I Need Help? He's the Alcoholic!, Al-Anon, Detachment.

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Unfriending the Ex

Essence Magazine recently ran a story about 'unfriending' the ex on Facebook - but the suggestion is easily made for all social networking sites - suggesting that after a breakup, there's no reason to stay in touch with your ex. (See Digital Dating: 10 Reasons to Un-Friend the Ex)

The articles focuses (in my opinion) on younger women struggling with their breakups, and uses words like 'stalking' and 'stupid' - neither of which I find terribly helpful. Still, the the piece has some merits, most notably the idea that when a relationship ends its time to sever all ties, including the virtual ones.

Why? Think about it for a bit. How often do you check your ex's status, updates, new friends and/or photos? How much energy are you still investing into the relationship by staying 'friends' online? How can you possibly move on, when you're reminded regularly of what he or she is doing now, who they are with, if they are dating already, or any other situation that can potentially send you for a tailspin?

Read over that last paragraph again, and note how much of the focus is on your ex and not on you. It may take a few reminders, but let's say this all together: the most important person in your life is you. Its time to take those words to heart and live your life with that idea in mind.

Therefore, unfriending the ex is a good thing because it gives you that time and energy back to focus on your own needs and wants. As Susan Elliot shared on her Getting Past Your Past blog just the other day, "...the ex's behavior DOES NOT MATTER. What they're thinking, or doing, or who they are with or not with... DOES NOT MATTER. In the end it doesn't because you can't change it." (See Pick Your Poison for more). Ms. Elliot, as I find with most of what she's written, is bang on. Sever the ties, and stop investing the energy.

I read somewhere not that long ago that we get over our breakups when we invest the energy we used to spend on the former relationship into new and exciting things. Things that are just for us and no one else, things, that support and nurture us, things that make us laugh and interact with new people. So I urge all of you looking for a reason to unfriend the ex to just do it, and then invest all of that time you'd have spent otherwise seeing what he or she is up to into something new, exciting and utterly fantastic that's just for you.

Related: Does Facebook Create Jealous People?, Feel Good After a Breakup, How I Got Over a Bad Breakup.

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Reader Dating Stories - What's New

A roundup of this week's reader stories:

Definition of Pansexuality shared by Pantard (Share Your Definition of Pansexuality)
"To me, its about feelings."

Flirty Text Messages shared by ohhhhhboy (Share Your Best Flirty Text Messages)
"By special do you mean beautiful?"

How I Knew I Was In Love shared by Deanna (Share Your Falling in Love Story)
"He told me that everything he wished for he had right in his arms."

Flirty Text Messages shared by Amelia (Share Your Best Flirty Text Messages)
"Your tongue tastes like the sweetest and ripest strawberries..."

... and a few reader reviews:

Ashley Madison Review shared by Terry (Write a Review of Ashley Madison)
"With over 65 messages sent you think you would get quite a few negative replies out of pure courtesy and good manners. But not one..."

KissCafe Review shared by Armanali (Write a Review of Kiss Cafe)
"Its good site...and best thing about it its free."

Ashley Madison Review shared by Straightuphard (Write a Review of Ashley Madison)
"Consider it a bad internet strip club..."

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Are There Any Legitimate Adult Dating Sites Out There?

Stephen asks: "I am trying to find a 'real' adult dating site. It seems all that I have come across do not have real/true information... as if it has been hyped to get you to join. Amateur Match is one for sure. The people on there either do not exist or are trumped up. I sent the company an email to complain, but they didn't reply. And when I clicked on a picture, the city and/or state changed to someplace nearby... what a scam. There has to be a legitimate adult dating site out there. Help?"

Hi Stephen, and thanks to my colleague Cory Silverberg (About.com's Guide to Sexuality) for sending you my way. To answer your question: it depends on what you mean by legitimate. Are you looking for an adult dating site that caters to adult encounters or casual sex, that isn't full of scammers or fake profiles? If that's the case, I'll admit its pretty hard to find. My first recommendation would be to try Lavalife's Intimate Encounters section; you sign up with them and then decide which of the three sections you want to be a part of (Dating, Relationships or Intimate Encounters). You can use different handles in each section under the same account too, so no one will be any wiser if you want to advertise for one thing in one place without ruining your chances for something more should it come up.

Its pretty hard for any site these days (especially the big ones) to stop fake profiles and scammers from signing up, but I think I get what you're after. There are a lot of adult dating sites that don't have a lot of users, or use sneaky marketing tactics like the bait and switch you're referring to. We've all seen them - the ads show a bevvy of beautiful women in your area, but when you sign up, you realize that the women were just ads that were geographically targeted to your search preferences.

After Lavalife, I only know of four others that are worth mentioning: Club Intimate, Fling, Adult Match Doctor and Sexy Ads. The last one I haven't actually reviewed fully, but the site owners took the time to add a profile on this site. Adult dating sites I don't recommend? ShagPal and Adult Friend Finder.

So dear readers: have you used an adult dating site that you can recommend, or want to warn other users about? Here's the form to fill out for either situation.

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Using Craigslist To Meet People

I've used online dating services almost since their inception when I've been single and wanted to meet someone. I started as a geeky girl in demand when there were few of us online, and from that a sort of elitist mentally spawned: online dating sites were fine, but I drew the line at the classifieds and chat rooms. For many years I've clung to this unspoken yet firmly entrenched rule of mine, and many of my friends have as well. Clients that have used Craigslist to meet people were few and far between, so I wasn't asked for advice on the subject often.

Fast forward to a few days ago, when I realized I've been single for some time and would like to start dating again. How should I meet people that I could potentially date? Sure, I can review my own list of places to meet people (and did), but I wanted to try something different. Something I'd never done before, something that might help me encounter folks I wouldn't meet otherwise, something totally out of character. A girlfriend of mine suggested Craigslist. My first reaction was to laugh, and then... well why not?

I wrote up a short blurb explaining where I was at and what I was looking for, as well as what I have to offer someone else. A quick proofread and a few mouse clicks later, my Craigslist ad was live. Would anyone reply? Would people make fun of me? How many inappropriate photos would I get? Would safe dating be an issue?

It didn't take long for the first people to answer, and I was surprised with their candor and intelligence. Yes, I did receive a few undesirable responses (which were immediately put in my spam folder so I never heard from them again), and a dating scam offer or two. Many were considerably older than what I'd expressly stated a preference for, and some were honest with their want for casual dating only. One gent sent a nasty note when I didn't reply in a timely manner, and one email was from a good friend (we shared a few laughs over that one).

All in all though, the experience was better than I'd hoped for. Its success is still pending, but if meeting new people was my only goal, Craigslist provided me with more positive interactions and opportunities than any online dating site has in years. If things don't work out with any of the Craigslist folks, maybe I'll try something even more out of my comfort zone in a few weeks' time.

But what about you? Have you used Craigslist to meet people? Why or why not? Are you concerned about safety, who will contact you, privacy or how it will come across to your friends/family?

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New Dating Sites for the Week of July 7th, 2010

Every week, dating site owners submit their dating sites to our database. Here's this week's roundup.

FleshPimp
Free adult dating site.

Interracial Socializing
Pay-per-use dating site focusing on singles wanting a relationship with someone of a different race.

Limenice
Bulgarian-language dating site, soon to be an international dating site.

Millionaire Cougar
Niche dating site specializing in rich women who like younger men, or rich men wanting younger women.

Amolatina
International dating site focusing on Latin singles.

Positive Dating Personals
For singles with a sexually transmitted disease, or those who don't mind dating someone who has one.

FussyOnes
Totally free dating site.

Ukrainian Brides
Matrimonial dating site for primarily men wanting to marry a Ukrainian woman.

Hit This Now Network
What looks to be an adult dating site with a strong social networking twist.

Military Hotspot
Niche dating site specializing in members of the military and the folks who want to meet them for a date.

Have you used one of these dating sites? Then review it! Reader dating site reviews.

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