Essence Magazine recently ran a story about 'unfriending' the ex on Facebook - but the suggestion is easily made for all social networking sites - suggesting that after a breakup, there's no reason to stay in touch with your ex. (See Digital Dating: 10 Reasons to Un-Friend the Ex)
The articles focuses (in my opinion) on younger women struggling with their breakups, and uses words like 'stalking' and 'stupid' - neither of which I find terribly helpful. Still, the the piece has some merits, most notably the idea that when a relationship ends its time to sever all ties, including the virtual ones.
Why? Think about it for a bit. How often do you check your ex's status, updates, new friends and/or photos? How much energy are you still investing into the relationship by staying 'friends' online? How can you possibly move on, when you're reminded regularly of what he or she is doing now, who they are with, if they are dating already, or any other situation that can potentially send you for a tailspin?
Read over that last paragraph again, and note how much of the focus is on your ex and not on you. It may take a few reminders, but let's say this all together: the most important person in your life is you. Its time to take those words to heart and live your life with that idea in mind.
Therefore, unfriending the ex is a good thing because it gives you that time and energy back to focus on your own needs and wants. As Susan Elliot shared on her Getting Past Your Past blog just the other day, "...the ex's behavior DOES NOT MATTER. What they're thinking, or doing, or who they are with or not with... DOES NOT MATTER. In the end it doesn't because you can't change it." (See Pick Your Poison for more). Ms. Elliot, as I find with most of what she's written, is bang on. Sever the ties, and stop investing the energy.
I read somewhere not that long ago that we get over our breakups when we invest the energy we used to spend on the former relationship into new and exciting things. Things that are just for us and no one else, things, that support and nurture us, things that make us laugh and interact with new people. So I urge all of you looking for a reason to unfriend the ex to just do it, and then invest all of that time you'd have spent otherwise seeing what he or she is up to into something new, exciting and utterly fantastic that's just for you.
Related: Does Facebook Create Jealous People?, Feel Good After a Breakup, How I Got Over a Bad Breakup.
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